Cuban Guys in Hialeah

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Top 5 Things I Don’t Want To See Anymore Of In 2011

El Rey de las Fritas

It’s always easier to make a Top 5 or Top 10 list of your favorite things, I mean,  last year I did. This year I decided I wanted to do a Top 5 List of things I don’t want to see anymore of in 2011.

1) Slider/Mini Burger Confusion: If one more person confuses a “slider” for a “mini burger” I’m going to have an epic fit. A “slider” is tiny burger with diced onions and steamed buns. The perfect example of this is White Castle, Krystal or Royal Castle. A “mini burger” is just a smaller version of a larger burger . In theory, a slider falls into this category but in turn, a “mini burger” doesn’t fit all the parameters of being a “slider”. So in short, if I see a “slider” on a menu and receive a “mini burger” after I order it, I might have to go and give the chef a Colombian neck tie. End of story.

2) Street Food Burgers: I’m tired of finding out a new Street Food Truck is going to hit the scene and then after reviewing their menu I find out burgers and/or mini burgers/sliders are their main thing. We all know I love burgers but where’s an inventive take on Cuban cuisine or even something like a Mac N’ Cheese Truck (Just throwing that out there and hoping someone bites). How about a Croqueta Truck? Next truck that debuts and has a burger on the menu better have the greatest burger on earth.

3) Extreme Burgers: I can’t say I don’t get excited when I see a Luther Burger but Extreme Burgers are a different breed. Was there ever any reason to create an 150 or 200 pound burger and pretend that someone actually has a chance at conquering it? I tried my hands at Quickie’s 4lb Titan and I can say that you can keep your extreme burgers to yourself. Now if you’re going for a Guinness Book World Record, then maybe you might convince me otherwise.

4) Patty Melt Haters: Let’s give this burger a little more respect. I love Patty Melts and they are burgers regardless of what some burger snobs might say. I think the reason for the hate is even a Patty Melt with a frozen patty can taste great. The reason is that the flavor lies in the grilled onions, cheese (I prefer American) and toasted Rye bread not the burger itself. You want to wax poetic about how great your Japanese Kobe Burger is, great! Please leave me to my IHOP Patty Melt.

5) Nickle and Dimers: Fuck me. I order wings and get the “Would you like Blue Cheese & Celery?” question. It’s like 2 bucks for a tiny container of blue cheese and some celery. I can probably go through one of those containers in like 3 wings. Has blue cheese become such a commodity that it’s the printer ink of wing joints? And don’t get me started on restaurants where you ask for some condiment and you receive such a small quantity that it wouldn’t even cover a piece of Melba toast.

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